Jesus is Back! Now What?

Imagine you are Jesus, returning to Earth to hang out with folks for a few days – not the Second Coming, necessarily…just a few days in the old neighborhood. Surely people would recognize you by now – assuming you look how we think Jesus looked. Folks probably wouldn’t make the same mistakes they did 2000 years ago, right?

Maybe you’ll get invited to bars, dinners, quinceañeras, even baptisms. Thomas Rhett Akins, Jr. hopes to treat Jesus to some beer and a little heart-to-heart when He comes back.

You’ll have so much fun you might postpone Judgement until the next ancient calendar runs out of days. Right?

Maybe not, at least not based on a recent story from across the pond. Back in December, event security threw Nathan Grindal, 33, out of a British dart tournament. His crime? Looking like Jesus. Grindal provoked loud chanting among the assembled crowd that proved distracting to the dart throwers. (Believe me, I checked several sources to make sure this was not coming from the tabloids. Fact is often more absurd than fiction.)

Grindal complained: “It was distressing. I was emotionally distraught. The crowd were bullying me and picking on me. It would have been OK if security hadn’t made a fuss getting me out.”

One of the competitors, angered by the distraction, reportedly said that he would crucify “Jesus” himself if he showed up to another dart tournament.

Fortunately for the crossed spectator, crucifixion is prohibited in the United Kingdom. Still, next time you think of leaving your house looking like the 33 year-old Nazarene Son of Mary and the Carpenter, keep in mind: you may pray for free beer, but don’t be surprised if you get the boot instead.

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